Moving.

Moving my blog to wordpress. Sorry, nothing against y'all :)

http://thedaysofteaching.wordpress.com

Follow me there!

vulnerability.

You know what I feel is this hardest thing in this life to do? To show the inmost intricate details of my heart. To feel and to be vulnerable.  

Lessons.

Someone asked me recently what was/were the biggest lessons I've learned since I have gotten married. So, here it goes. Unbiased. Honest to goodness raw truth.


1. I am selfish. So long had my life been lived for me and me along. That way has now changed. I have learned that meeting the needs of others before my own is more rewarding and somehow my needs always remained fulfilled without even trying. Sounds somewhat backwards, but trust me on this.

2. The older I get the more I am finding out that I am more like my parents that I would ever like to admit. (I guess that is contradicting because I just admitted it, but you get the idea). The values that have been instilled in me when I was younger have found their way into my teaching and living of my everyday life. I see it in Matt the same. I am eating all my words I said about how I would not to be like my parents when I was younger. But, I do see now how those values and teachings are a beautiful things.

3. Positive reinforcement and encouragement goes further with others than you will ever realize. So many times (I have been seriously guilty of this) I see others belittling someone with a sly joke or harsh words (especially sarcasm). Those words do nothing but tear down. I am learning the more encouraging and positive I can be, the more fruit and product I see from the person I give it to and the more I receive it myself. Positive in, positive out. Negative in, negative out.

4. Balance is a necessity. Finding balance between husband, work, friends, family, wants, needs, daily life, etc is so difficult, but will probably be one of the most important things you do. Without it, any relationship is way too one sided. This even goes for friendships too. Giving 50/50 is honestly not enough. Each person giving 100% is what is required.

5. Friends and family are needed now more than ever. I think a huge misconception is that once you get married then that is all you need when that is not necessarily true. In order to achieve full balance, friends and family are essential to your health. I know now just how special and how much I treasure those people who have been a present and even past companion in my life. You need time apart. Friends are important.

6. Cooking and cleaning are really not that bad. Honestly, growing up isn't that bad. I believe it is just the fear of the unexpected that scares us most and the transition from leaving the life we knew.

7. I've learned how to fight fair. How to listen to another person's point of view. That I am not always right. Marriage is really the best mirror of yourself. Honestly, any good, open relationship could be this way, but you have to be willing to listen to the concerns of a good friend and willing to TAKE the advice. Fair fighting does not involve just listening; it involves changing too.


Nowhere am I near an expert. Never will I claim to be either. Reflecting is part of the growing process in any relationship and I feel as long as I am reflecting, I am where I need to be.

If you think that this post isn't for you because you are not married then I would say look again. How could you apply this to other relationships in your life? Just food for thought. 

Live.

One of the many reasons I decided to become an English teacher  rather than a counselor was due to the rich conversations a person could have when discussing a piece of literary text. Literature presents various issues and situations that life throws at us. Not only does a book or poem present the issue, it also offers a solution or suggest an alternative answer. Perhaps  something we had never thought about before. Literature forces us to challenge the issues. Face the thing we may fear most. And most importantly, challenges us to change our complacent place and stretch ourselves beyond the point we ever thought we could reach.

I've linked two video clips from Thornton Wilder's "Our Town." Recently this piece has drastically challenged the way I view everyday living. To give you a little background, Emily Webb was just a regular small town girl who had great dreams in her life. One was that she would receive a good education.along the way her dreams deferred and she decided to get married instead. While during childbirth, Emily passes away leaving behind her young husband. The scene that opens up is a bit unique. The play shows a crowd of people sitting on stage in rows. Those people, along with emily, have all passed away. The rows they are sitting in are suppose to symbolize their graves.  All of the people present are reflecting on their past lives. Watch please.

Watch: Part 1 Part 2


"Oh, earth,you are too wonderful for anybody to realize you. Do any human beings ever realize life while they live it--every,every minute?"

The truth of this scene rings so prevalent in my life. Am I even realizing how lucky I am? Am I even living? After watching this scene, everyday, every moment I try to visualize myself in Emily's situation and try to find one simple thing worth thriving in. I implore and encourage you to try it. You will not look at life the same.


so as I sit here and type this, right here in this moment here is my list of simple things.

warm blankets, tv shows, laying down on a couch, comfortable clothing, writing, matts smile, my hair in a ponytail, making things, deep thinking, pizza, coke, the warm of a heater, playing on the cell phone, pictures, rain boots, sniffles (yes even that).

The simple things.

change.

One thing I know about writing is that I never try to force the process. I believe that is the essential reason as to why I never update consistently. (oops ;) ) I am allowed that, am I not?

I feel that forcing myself to write upon certain topics or coming up with some kind of consistent check and balance on my life through writing produces a fake, forced, rushed product. I truly feel that the tunes of my heart and the stories of my life are best left to stay under wraps until I, God, or some other divine appointment inspires me to share the ideas that toggle around this little brain of mine. :)

With that said, the events and stories that I share are never products of flashy, look-at-me attention, but rather, humbling lessons that I have learned and coped with that have impacted the core of my being.

If you, oh random few, have kept up with my "intriguing" blog writing, you will have known the struggles I have experienced over the past few years. Deep, personal, life changing issues that have ultimately change who I am. Don't we all have those moments?

Just like my writing, sometimes the lesson to the circumstances waits as well. The perfect timing in teaching in sometimes the most important tool to ensure the lesson is taught and more importantly learned.

 

 West Texas, has been no secret, is one of my favorite places on earth. I believe because the place is such a symbol of hope in my life and a place of healing for me. The place is truly dear to my soul. It will forever be a part of who I am.

Every since I went to West Texas in 2010, I felt as though something about the place was unfinished or incomplete to me. My heart was lost there and broken when we drove seeing those mountains in the distance. And, every since then, my heart has longed for that cowboy hat shaped mountain! 

Knowing I am meant for that place, as I mentioned earlier, dear reader, I finally have had the opportunity to go back. Maybe that is why the chance has never opened up for me to go before--because i wasn't ready to receive the lesson.

To be honest with you, the last three or four years of my life I have struggled to hear God's voice clearly. West Texas represented one of the only times during that period that I could distinctly know his voice. I was desperate for the voice again.

There is always this rock pile we like to climb when we go there. It's not huge, about 800 feet, I believe. From the top, you can see for miles. Being up there gives one a sense of completeness and peace in their soul. An indescribable feeling as though nothing can destroy you there. A peace with God that surpasses all knowledge and wisdom.

It was there on top of that mountain, in 2010, when my world was shattered that I hear God's voice almost as tangible as I touch this computer "Whitney, I have brought you up this mountain. What makes you think I won't bring you through it?' You would think that would suffice my longing and desires for peace in this situation would it not?

I knew this was where God spoke to me last time. I so desperately wanted to hear that voice again I forced myself to climb the rock pile as fast as I could. I got to the top. The beautiful, indescribable top. and nothing. Elated at the sight, yet disappointed at no voice, we started our climb down.

No, on top of rock pile was not where God spoke to me to teach me the lesson he has so patiently waiting until I was ready. The treacherous climb down was where my attention was halted.

While on the way down, matt and I took the more difficult, dangerous, life threatening route. Without knowing of course.   When I tell you there were gaps in the rocks where I could not see the bottom, I am not exaggerating. There was 20 foot jumps down to get to the next rock. Cactus everywhere. I even saw a snake coiled inside one of the rocks. At one point, Matt had to crawl underneath a boulder above a dark rock gap where I could not see the bottom and I, too, had to make that same dangerous crawl through the tiny space. Dear reader, I wish I would have photographed this scary climb down. I wish there was another word besides scary because it was petrifying. But, we made it. Matt riped his pants. I scuffed up my hands and knees. I was shaking scared. Matt was laughing ready to go again, but it was there, just when I thought that there was no voice to show me a new light--He spoke.

In that still, small, strong, confident, concise, clear, voice. "Whitney, just because you are coming out of the mountain does not mean you will not have pain. No, you will have that much more because you are letting go piece by piece. It does not mean that it will be an easy ride. Sometimes coming down the mountain is just as bad as going up it."

And so, reality hits me as fast as you could imagine. So long had I been focused on the problem, I had not focused on my response. 

I read somewhere I cannot remember that the only thing we can control in a situation is not the situation itself but your reaction to the situation. No, it is not under my control, but my response IS! 

I can say that peace has overwhelmed my soul. The lesson in the making was worth the time it took to learn it. Am I still healing? yes. I will forever be healing, but can I react positively? By all means. 

More importantly, for the first time in forever, I feel peace. I feel happiness. I can feel God again.

Ah, change.

I feel free again.

 Matt & Me :)

I told you he split his pants. :)

 

I'm married. So what?!

Lately, I have read multiple articles discussing singleness.

A 20 something year old's desire and struggle with loneliness is a real issue for the present day female.. (well male too, but all the articles I read are written by females...so... yeah)

Don't misunderstand what I am attempting to convey with these words because even though I did not experience loneliness in your aspect, I experience the same feeling and problems you experience as a single male or female just in other ways.

To those dear, sweet article writers, please note: Just because I am married at a young age does not mean my life is now over or that my life "is just beginning." It does not mean that I did not look for my self worth in Christ and rather found the worth in my husband. By you stating those things against me, a stereotype is set forth just like the ones that have been created for yourselves. 

I, too, experience the same emotional problems that 20-somethings-year-olds experience. Just became I am married does not make me exempt from "the transition of university life to the real world." No, I think the transition becomes that much more difficult because my life is not longer about me. My life is pleasing God first and foremost (as it was before marriage) and meeting the needs of my husband. Rejecting my own desires in an awkward stage of life may be one of the most difficult things I will have to do. 

Just because I am married does not mean I want to have children. You may get asked on numerous occasions "well, when are you having kids." Yeah, I get the same questions too. It seems as though we have a lot in common. You state that you would just like people to just "ask you what's now." Should they not do the same for me? People automatically assume because I am married, I am going to pop out a child at any moment or even rub my stomach and ask when I am due. Do you know how embarrassing THAT is? I do not even look pregnant. So, yes. I would enjoy a delightful conversation on what is going on now too because the now is the important, beautiful thing about both of our lives. The part that should not be wasted on wishing and dreaming as you also suggest.

You imply that you struggle with loneliness? Well, so do we. While marriage is beautiful, loneliness abides in places other than having a soul companion. Did you ever think about the separation you experience from your family members? As the Scriptures say, "A man leaves his father and mother and is joined to his wife, and the two are united into one." As beautiful as this is, have you ever thought about how empty you can feel when you know you are not going home to your mother and father after a disagreement with your spouse? Or, when your parents no longer visit you? Because I am now married, even friends, assume I am with my husband 24/7. Those friends, I feel, have left  abandoned me. Loneliness in your world is real, but loneliness in my is as well. 

Society does tend to put a magnify glass upon the ideas of marriage. Actually, let me correct that, society tends to overemphasis the glamour and pizazz of a wedding. Never do they treasure and emphasis the actual marriage. As you have claimed, they do make one feel as though they are not "good enough" if you are not married however they do not show the side of marriage that you do not see--the struggles of two individuals learning and growing together. As beautiful as it sounds, there is so much difficulty in the process. Would I trade it for the world? Never. 

Please do not think that I am unhappy with marriage because if that is what you are reading then you are missing the point entirely. Mankind attempts to make look like the next step for you. They make marriage look like something you are on the outside of if you are single. They make marriage look EASY. Labeled. Just like those who are still single are what? labeled. 

Being placed in an role that society assumes you should perform in for your time of life is degrading. Yes, I know how you feel. 

I believe that no matter what stage you are in life mankind will always places limitations or expectations on what they believe you should be doing. Single. Married. Divorced. Retired. Everyone has a role they are "suppose" to perform. But, you dear, sweet article writers, that's the beauty of life. Whoever reads this blog. You don't have to play the part. God has called us each to a plan more beautiful than one we could ever imagine. Part of mine was marriage. Yours may be singleness. 

Embrace that. This is time in life that we will never get back. 

Enjoy it. 

"100 Years"

Five for Fighting

I'm 15 for a moment

Caught in between 10 and 20

And I'm just dreaming

Counting the ways to where you are

I'm 22 for a moment

And she feels better than ever

And we're on fire

Making our way back from Mars

15 there's still time for you

Time to buy and time to lose

15, there's never a wish better than this

When you only got a hundred years to live

I'm 33 for a moment

Still the man, but you see I'm a "they"

A kid on the way, babe.

A family on my mind

I'm 45 for a moment

The sea is high

And I'm heading into a crisis

Chasing the years of my life

15 there's still time for you

Time to buy and time to lose yourself

Within a morning star

15 I'm all right with you

15, there's never a wish better than this

When you only got a hundred years to live

Half time goes by

Suddenly you’re wise

Another blink of an eye

67 is gone

The sun is getting high

We're moving on...

I'm 99 for a moment

And time for just another moment

And I'm just dreaming

Counting the ways to where you are

15 there's still time for you

22 I feel her too

33 you’re on your way

Every day's a new day...

(oh oh ohs)

15 there's still time for you

Time to buy and time to choose

Hey 15, there's never a wish better than this

When you only got a hundred years to live

rest

summer time has rose upon me and I am now at rest.

I am thankful for a semester that has come and gone and am happily resting for the month of june.. I think :)

I did travel to west texas again. but I will save that for another blog. there's simply too much to express about a place so dear to my heart.

but as for summer, I will breathe and rest.

and be thankful for being a teacher.


no summertime blues for me!