coping

Wonderful, beautiful life.

That's what I am suppose to appreciate and have been taught to appreciate especially this week. Life, as I have said previously, has thrown me a huge curve ball. Hearing words that you don't want to ever hear in your life is scary, but this is the unscripted, unedited, ever-changing life i live.

I felt like God had given me my limit three years ago when I lost my best friend, but i feel like right when I am almost at the top of the valley, i've been thrown right back to where I was three years before now.

This is one place that I do not want to go back to. It was dark. Scary. Emotional. Isolating. Depressing. Why am i being sent back here? I feel like I learned my lesson, for the most part? I mean, what lesson is there for someone to learn from the death of a friend so tragically gone from your life? I feel like that is more torture than anything. Same with this problem, its just torture. Does God even have a plan in it?

That is the point I am at right now? Where is God even? Is he even there like people claim because I feel like if he was, then I would hear a word or have some source of comfort. I realize that this is not completely a life or death problem, but it's just one more thing to make me realize the realities of life. Life is never fair.

For those of the few and far between that read my blog :), please don't worry too much. I am just using this as a sounding board really. I just do not understand why things like this happen. Over and over at that. It just does not make sense. I would just like to a specific sign or word that I know that God is doing this for a reason, and not some verse or bible stuff i've heard since negative nine months old. A real event that only God could orchestra. That's what I need. That's what I thirst for. That's what I am not clearly getting. 

wondering

I never have wondered this much until now.

Am I truly making an impact on these students? I almost feel like my second block is turning into a lost cause. Some of the students are wonderful and great, but its the ones who are continuously defense and do not want your help. What are you suppose to do?

It worries me even more now since teachers are being "graded" based off student performance and observations. I am so nervous. As a teacher, I want the highest grade and I want for parents/teachers to feel like they do have a great teacher that produces even better results.

The grading process is just a thing I will have to get use to. I am sure anywhere I go it will be there too.

Tomorrow is one of my greatest friend's birthday's! Ms. Erin Fontenot :) I am so thankful for the friends like her that I have in my life. They are what help get me through..

Well, that's all for now in this intriguing, captivating blog :)

fall break.

why are you ending so soon?

life has thrown be yet another curveball.
I'm just not ready to face it yet.
maybe, i'll go into more detail later.

just for those of you that read, I may or may not fill you in. just say a little prayer for me this week.
i am scared, nervous, and just don't understand clearly what or why things happen.

but, tomorrow is another day. fall break is over. and yet, i am still being taught something every single day. it's all in the days of teaching. <3

surprise.

today, i was passing out papers to get started on practicing for our midterms.

students are not allowed to talk in my class, but all of a sudden i had one start like he was leading a cheer!!

no instead, he was leading the class into singing me happy birthday.


i love my students. sweet, precious students. 

100 days.

Today is 100 days since I have married matthew :) 

100 beautiful days.

life changing days.

loving, wonderful days.

oh to spend 100 more? nah, tens of thousands.

<3

West Texas

With teaching, there are plenty of bad days. Days that you wonder why you even decided to become a teacher.. There are times when you wonder if you should go back to school and do whatever you thought you should've done first.

I've been there a few times, but overall I have always loved it by the end of the day..or week. :)

When I have those bad days, I usually think about West Texas.

Oh, how I love. love. love west texas. All the fresh air it brings. It is truly relaxing to me.

I went to West Texas in the spring of 2010 coming off what I consider to be one of the worst years of my entire life. I lost my best friend Jonah that previous year, and his mother just a couple weeks before the trip. West Texas, well I was worried, but extremely ready to get away. While in West Texas, we climbed a mountain. Well, what I consider a mountain which is anything considering I am in Louisiana.

After an entire year of solid no emotions, insomnia, depression, and counseling, when I reached the top of the mountain I felt peace. For the first time, I felt strength. Emotions I had not felt in an entire year, happiness---I finally felt.

So, those days when I feel that I cannot go another day or that I am doing the wrong job, I just think of west texas. and I think of the indescribable hope, peace, and joy that it brings me.