Moving my blog to wordpress. Sorry, nothing against y'all :)
http://thedaysofteaching.wordpress.com
Follow me there!
http://thedaysofteaching.wordpress.com
Follow me there!
Monday, December 9, 2013
Saturday, December 7, 2013
vulnerability.
You know what I feel is this hardest thing in this life to do? To show the inmost intricate details of my heart. To feel and to be vulnerable.
Tuesday, November 26, 2013
Lessons.
Someone asked me recently what was/were the biggest lessons I've learned since I have gotten married. So, here it goes. Unbiased. Honest to goodness raw truth.
1. I am selfish. So long had my life been lived for me and me along. That way has now changed. I have learned that meeting the needs of others before my own is more rewarding and somehow my needs always remained fulfilled without even trying. Sounds somewhat backwards, but trust me on this.
2. The older I get the more I am finding out that I am more like my parents that I would ever like to admit. (I guess that is contradicting because I just admitted it, but you get the idea). The values that have been instilled in me when I was younger have found their way into my teaching and living of my everyday life. I see it in Matt the same. I am eating all my words I said about how I would not to be like my parents when I was younger. But, I do see now how those values and teachings are a beautiful things.
3. Positive reinforcement and encouragement goes further with others than you will ever realize. So many times (I have been seriously guilty of this) I see others belittling someone with a sly joke or harsh words (especially sarcasm). Those words do nothing but tear down. I am learning the more encouraging and positive I can be, the more fruit and product I see from the person I give it to and the more I receive it myself. Positive in, positive out. Negative in, negative out.
4. Balance is a necessity. Finding balance between husband, work, friends, family, wants, needs, daily life, etc is so difficult, but will probably be one of the most important things you do. Without it, any relationship is way too one sided. This even goes for friendships too. Giving 50/50 is honestly not enough. Each person giving 100% is what is required.
5. Friends and family are needed now more than ever. I think a huge misconception is that once you get married then that is all you need when that is not necessarily true. In order to achieve full balance, friends and family are essential to your health. I know now just how special and how much I treasure those people who have been a present and even past companion in my life. You need time apart. Friends are important.
6. Cooking and cleaning are really not that bad. Honestly, growing up isn't that bad. I believe it is just the fear of the unexpected that scares us most and the transition from leaving the life we knew.
7. I've learned how to fight fair. How to listen to another person's point of view. That I am not always right. Marriage is really the best mirror of yourself. Honestly, any good, open relationship could be this way, but you have to be willing to listen to the concerns of a good friend and willing to TAKE the advice. Fair fighting does not involve just listening; it involves changing too.
Nowhere am I near an expert. Never will I claim to be either. Reflecting is part of the growing process in any relationship and I feel as long as I am reflecting, I am where I need to be.
If you think that this post isn't for you because you are not married then I would say look again. How could you apply this to other relationships in your life? Just food for thought.
1. I am selfish. So long had my life been lived for me and me along. That way has now changed. I have learned that meeting the needs of others before my own is more rewarding and somehow my needs always remained fulfilled without even trying. Sounds somewhat backwards, but trust me on this.
2. The older I get the more I am finding out that I am more like my parents that I would ever like to admit. (I guess that is contradicting because I just admitted it, but you get the idea). The values that have been instilled in me when I was younger have found their way into my teaching and living of my everyday life. I see it in Matt the same. I am eating all my words I said about how I would not to be like my parents when I was younger. But, I do see now how those values and teachings are a beautiful things.
3. Positive reinforcement and encouragement goes further with others than you will ever realize. So many times (I have been seriously guilty of this) I see others belittling someone with a sly joke or harsh words (especially sarcasm). Those words do nothing but tear down. I am learning the more encouraging and positive I can be, the more fruit and product I see from the person I give it to and the more I receive it myself. Positive in, positive out. Negative in, negative out.
4. Balance is a necessity. Finding balance between husband, work, friends, family, wants, needs, daily life, etc is so difficult, but will probably be one of the most important things you do. Without it, any relationship is way too one sided. This even goes for friendships too. Giving 50/50 is honestly not enough. Each person giving 100% is what is required.
5. Friends and family are needed now more than ever. I think a huge misconception is that once you get married then that is all you need when that is not necessarily true. In order to achieve full balance, friends and family are essential to your health. I know now just how special and how much I treasure those people who have been a present and even past companion in my life. You need time apart. Friends are important.
6. Cooking and cleaning are really not that bad. Honestly, growing up isn't that bad. I believe it is just the fear of the unexpected that scares us most and the transition from leaving the life we knew.
7. I've learned how to fight fair. How to listen to another person's point of view. That I am not always right. Marriage is really the best mirror of yourself. Honestly, any good, open relationship could be this way, but you have to be willing to listen to the concerns of a good friend and willing to TAKE the advice. Fair fighting does not involve just listening; it involves changing too.
Nowhere am I near an expert. Never will I claim to be either. Reflecting is part of the growing process in any relationship and I feel as long as I am reflecting, I am where I need to be.
If you think that this post isn't for you because you are not married then I would say look again. How could you apply this to other relationships in your life? Just food for thought.
Saturday, November 23, 2013
Live.
One of the many reasons I decided to become an English teacher rather than a counselor was due to the rich conversations a person could have when discussing a piece of literary text. Literature presents various issues and situations that life throws at us. Not only does a book or poem present the issue, it also offers a solution or suggest an alternative answer. Perhaps something we had never thought about before. Literature forces us to challenge the issues. Face the thing we may fear most. And most importantly, challenges us to change our complacent place and stretch ourselves beyond the point we ever thought we could reach.
I've linked two video clips from Thornton Wilder's "Our Town." Recently this piece has drastically challenged the way I view everyday living. To give you a little background, Emily Webb was just a regular small town girl who had great dreams in her life. One was that she would receive a good education.along the way her dreams deferred and she decided to get married instead. While during childbirth, Emily passes away leaving behind her young husband. The scene that opens up is a bit unique. The play shows a crowd of people sitting on stage in rows. Those people, along with emily, have all passed away. The rows they are sitting in are suppose to symbolize their graves. All of the people present are reflecting on their past lives. Watch please.
Watch: Part 1 Part 2
"Oh, earth,you are too wonderful for anybody to realize you. Do any human beings ever realize life while they live it--every,every minute?"
The truth of this scene rings so prevalent in my life. Am I even realizing how lucky I am? Am I even living? After watching this scene, everyday, every moment I try to visualize myself in Emily's situation and try to find one simple thing worth thriving in. I implore and encourage you to try it. You will not look at life the same.
so as I sit here and type this, right here in this moment here is my list of simple things.
warm blankets, tv shows, laying down on a couch, comfortable clothing, writing, matts smile, my hair in a ponytail, making things, deep thinking, pizza, coke, the warm of a heater, playing on the cell phone, pictures, rain boots, sniffles (yes even that).
The simple things.
I've linked two video clips from Thornton Wilder's "Our Town." Recently this piece has drastically challenged the way I view everyday living. To give you a little background, Emily Webb was just a regular small town girl who had great dreams in her life. One was that she would receive a good education.along the way her dreams deferred and she decided to get married instead. While during childbirth, Emily passes away leaving behind her young husband. The scene that opens up is a bit unique. The play shows a crowd of people sitting on stage in rows. Those people, along with emily, have all passed away. The rows they are sitting in are suppose to symbolize their graves. All of the people present are reflecting on their past lives. Watch please.
Watch: Part 1 Part 2
"Oh, earth,you are too wonderful for anybody to realize you. Do any human beings ever realize life while they live it--every,every minute?"
The truth of this scene rings so prevalent in my life. Am I even realizing how lucky I am? Am I even living? After watching this scene, everyday, every moment I try to visualize myself in Emily's situation and try to find one simple thing worth thriving in. I implore and encourage you to try it. You will not look at life the same.
so as I sit here and type this, right here in this moment here is my list of simple things.
warm blankets, tv shows, laying down on a couch, comfortable clothing, writing, matts smile, my hair in a ponytail, making things, deep thinking, pizza, coke, the warm of a heater, playing on the cell phone, pictures, rain boots, sniffles (yes even that).
The simple things.
Monday, November 18, 2013
change.
One thing I know about writing is that I never try to force the process. I believe that is the essential reason as to why I never update consistently. (oops ;) ) I am allowed that, am I not?
I feel that forcing myself to write upon certain topics or coming up with some kind of consistent check and balance on my life through writing produces a fake, forced, rushed product. I truly feel that the tunes of my heart and the stories of my life are best left to stay under wraps until I, God, or some other divine appointment inspires me to share the ideas that toggle around this little brain of mine. :)
With that said, the events and stories that I share are never products of flashy, look-at-me attention, but rather, humbling lessons that I have learned and coped with that have impacted the core of my being.
If you, oh random few, have kept up with my "intriguing" blog writing, you will have known the struggles I have experienced over the past few years. Deep, personal, life changing issues that have ultimately change who I am. Don't we all have those moments?
Just like my writing, sometimes the lesson to the circumstances waits as well. The perfect timing in teaching in sometimes the most important tool to ensure the lesson is taught and more importantly learned.
West Texas, has been no secret, is one of my favorite places on earth. I believe because the place is such a symbol of hope in my life and a place of healing for me. The place is truly dear to my soul. It will forever be a part of who I am.
Every since I went to West Texas in 2010, I felt as though something about the place was unfinished or incomplete to me. My heart was lost there and broken when we drove seeing those mountains in the distance. And, every since then, my heart has longed for that cowboy hat shaped mountain!
Every since I went to West Texas in 2010, I felt as though something about the place was unfinished or incomplete to me. My heart was lost there and broken when we drove seeing those mountains in the distance. And, every since then, my heart has longed for that cowboy hat shaped mountain!
Knowing I am meant for that place, as I mentioned earlier, dear reader, I finally have had the opportunity to go back. Maybe that is why the chance has never opened up for me to go before--because i wasn't ready to receive the lesson.
To be honest with you, the last three or four years of my life I have struggled to hear God's voice clearly. West Texas represented one of the only times during that period that I could distinctly know his voice. I was desperate for the voice again.
There is always this rock pile we like to climb when we go there. It's not huge, about 800 feet, I believe. From the top, you can see for miles. Being up there gives one a sense of completeness and peace in their soul. An indescribable feeling as though nothing can destroy you there. A peace with God that surpasses all knowledge and wisdom.
It was there on top of that mountain, in 2010, when my world was shattered that I hear God's voice almost as tangible as I touch this computer "Whitney, I have brought you up this mountain. What makes you think I won't bring you through it?' You would think that would suffice my longing and desires for peace in this situation would it not?
I knew this was where God spoke to me last time. I so desperately wanted to hear that voice again I forced myself to climb the rock pile as fast as I could. I got to the top. The beautiful, indescribable top. and nothing. Elated at the sight, yet disappointed at no voice, we started our climb down.
No, on top of rock pile was not where God spoke to me to teach me the lesson he has so patiently waiting until I was ready. The treacherous climb down was where my attention was halted.
While on the way down, matt and I took the more difficult, dangerous, life threatening route. Without knowing of course. When I tell you there were gaps in the rocks where I could not see the bottom, I am not exaggerating. There was 20 foot jumps down to get to the next rock. Cactus everywhere. I even saw a snake coiled inside one of the rocks. At one point, Matt had to crawl underneath a boulder above a dark rock gap where I could not see the bottom and I, too, had to make that same dangerous crawl through the tiny space. Dear reader, I wish I would have photographed this scary climb down. I wish there was another word besides scary because it was petrifying. But, we made it. Matt riped his pants. I scuffed up my hands and knees. I was shaking scared. Matt was laughing ready to go again, but it was there, just when I thought that there was no voice to show me a new light--He spoke.
While on the way down, matt and I took the more difficult, dangerous, life threatening route. Without knowing of course. When I tell you there were gaps in the rocks where I could not see the bottom, I am not exaggerating. There was 20 foot jumps down to get to the next rock. Cactus everywhere. I even saw a snake coiled inside one of the rocks. At one point, Matt had to crawl underneath a boulder above a dark rock gap where I could not see the bottom and I, too, had to make that same dangerous crawl through the tiny space. Dear reader, I wish I would have photographed this scary climb down. I wish there was another word besides scary because it was petrifying. But, we made it. Matt riped his pants. I scuffed up my hands and knees. I was shaking scared. Matt was laughing ready to go again, but it was there, just when I thought that there was no voice to show me a new light--He spoke.
In that still, small, strong, confident, concise, clear, voice. "Whitney, just because you are coming out of the mountain does not mean you will not have pain. No, you will have that much more because you are letting go piece by piece. It does not mean that it will be an easy ride. Sometimes coming down the mountain is just as bad as going up it."
And so, reality hits me as fast as you could imagine. So long had I been focused on the problem, I had not focused on my response.
I read somewhere I cannot remember that the only thing we can control in a situation is not the situation itself but your reaction to the situation. No, it is not under my control, but my response IS!
I can say that peace has overwhelmed my soul. The lesson in the making was worth the time it took to learn it. Am I still healing? yes. I will forever be healing, but can I react positively? By all means.
More importantly, for the first time in forever, I feel peace. I feel happiness. I can feel God again.
Ah, change.
I feel free again.
Matt & Me :)
I told you he split his pants. :)
Sunday, November 10, 2013
I'm married. So what?!
Lately, I have read multiple articles discussing singleness.
A 20 something year old's desire and struggle with loneliness is a real issue for the present day female.. (well male too, but all the articles I read are written by females...so... yeah)
Don't misunderstand what I am attempting to convey with these words because even though I did not experience loneliness in your aspect, I experience the same feeling and problems you experience as a single male or female just in other ways.
To those dear, sweet article writers, please note: Just because I am married at a young age does not mean my life is now over or that my life "is just beginning." It does not mean that I did not look for my self worth in Christ and rather found the worth in my husband. By you stating those things against me, a stereotype is set forth just like the ones that have been created for yourselves.
I, too, experience the same emotional problems that 20-somethings-year-olds experience. Just became I am married does not make me exempt from "the transition of university life to the real world." No, I think the transition becomes that much more difficult because my life is not longer about me. My life is pleasing God first and foremost (as it was before marriage) and meeting the needs of my husband. Rejecting my own desires in an awkward stage of life may be one of the most difficult things I will have to do.
Just because I am married does not mean I want to have children. You may get asked on numerous occasions "well, when are you having kids." Yeah, I get the same questions too. It seems as though we have a lot in common. You state that you would just like people to just "ask you what's now." Should they not do the same for me? People automatically assume because I am married, I am going to pop out a child at any moment or even rub my stomach and ask when I am due. Do you know how embarrassing THAT is? I do not even look pregnant. So, yes. I would enjoy a delightful conversation on what is going on now too because the now is the important, beautiful thing about both of our lives. The part that should not be wasted on wishing and dreaming as you also suggest.
You imply that you struggle with loneliness? Well, so do we. While marriage is beautiful, loneliness abides in places other than having a soul companion. Did you ever think about the separation you experience from your family members? As the Scriptures say, "A man leaves his father and mother and is joined to his wife, and the two are united into one." As beautiful as this is, have you ever thought about how empty you can feel when you know you are not going home to your mother and father after a disagreement with your spouse? Or, when your parents no longer visit you? Because I am now married, even friends, assume I am with my husband 24/7. Those friends, I feel, have left abandoned me. Loneliness in your world is real, but loneliness in my is as well.
Society does tend to put a magnify glass upon the ideas of marriage. Actually, let me correct that, society tends to overemphasis the glamour and pizazz of a wedding. Never do they treasure and emphasis the actual marriage. As you have claimed, they do make one feel as though they are not "good enough" if you are not married however they do not show the side of marriage that you do not see--the struggles of two individuals learning and growing together. As beautiful as it sounds, there is so much difficulty in the process. Would I trade it for the world? Never.
Please do not think that I am unhappy with marriage because if that is what you are reading then you are missing the point entirely. Mankind attempts to make look like the next step for you. They make marriage look like something you are on the outside of if you are single. They make marriage look EASY. Labeled. Just like those who are still single are what? labeled.
Being placed in an role that society assumes you should perform in for your time of life is degrading. Yes, I know how you feel.
I believe that no matter what stage you are in life mankind will always places limitations or expectations on what they believe you should be doing. Single. Married. Divorced. Retired. Everyone has a role they are "suppose" to perform. But, you dear, sweet article writers, that's the beauty of life. Whoever reads this blog. You don't have to play the part. God has called us each to a plan more beautiful than one we could ever imagine. Part of mine was marriage. Yours may be singleness.
Embrace that. This is time in life that we will never get back.
Enjoy it.
"100 Years"
Five for Fighting
I'm 15 for a moment
Caught in between 10 and 20
And I'm just dreaming
Counting the ways to where you are
I'm 22 for a moment
And she feels better than ever
And we're on fire
Making our way back from Mars
15 there's still time for you
Time to buy and time to lose
15, there's never a wish better than this
When you only got a hundred years to live
I'm 33 for a moment
Still the man, but you see I'm a "they"
A kid on the way, babe.
A family on my mind
I'm 45 for a moment
The sea is high
And I'm heading into a crisis
Chasing the years of my life
15 there's still time for you
Time to buy and time to lose yourself
Within a morning star
15 I'm all right with you
15, there's never a wish better than this
When you only got a hundred years to live
Half time goes by
Suddenly you’re wise
Another blink of an eye
67 is gone
The sun is getting high
We're moving on...
I'm 99 for a moment
And time for just another moment
And I'm just dreaming
Counting the ways to where you are
15 there's still time for you
22 I feel her too
33 you’re on your way
Every day's a new day...
(oh oh ohs)
15 there's still time for you
Time to buy and time to choose
Hey 15, there's never a wish better than this
When you only got a hundred years to live
Friday, May 31, 2013
rest
summer time has rose upon me and I am now at rest.
I am thankful for a semester that has come and gone and am happily resting for the month of june.. I think :)
I did travel to west texas again. but I will save that for another blog. there's simply too much to express about a place so dear to my heart.
but as for summer, I will breathe and rest.
and be thankful for being a teacher.
no summertime blues for me!
I am thankful for a semester that has come and gone and am happily resting for the month of june.. I think :)
I did travel to west texas again. but I will save that for another blog. there's simply too much to express about a place so dear to my heart.
but as for summer, I will breathe and rest.
and be thankful for being a teacher.
no summertime blues for me!
Friday, April 26, 2013
break.
spring break was this week for me.
the holiday itself is simply a tease for the summer to come. i have enjoyed the simplicity of this week of absolutely nothing. no plans. no kids. no pressure.
just me and whatever my agenda suggested.
summer cannot come soon enough!
oh, and for the readers that keep up, i have the opportunity to go to west texas again! my heart is overjoyed. i cannot wait for the peace and clarity that the place brings to me.
the holiday itself is simply a tease for the summer to come. i have enjoyed the simplicity of this week of absolutely nothing. no plans. no kids. no pressure.
just me and whatever my agenda suggested.
summer cannot come soon enough!
oh, and for the readers that keep up, i have the opportunity to go to west texas again! my heart is overjoyed. i cannot wait for the peace and clarity that the place brings to me.
Thursday, April 11, 2013
overwhelmed.
right now at the moment, teaching is not fun.
just being 100% transparent with you.
there is way too much the state is expecting us to do and there is no where near enough time to complete it. there are not enough resources to help us with it. and the apathetic students are not very helpful either. neither is the lack of money.
for some reason, the state believes that i need to (realistically) teacher 7 units of the curriculum, focus quiz students at least every 3 weeks, schedule PASS essays twice in a semester, schedule EAGLE test with every unit we teach, set goals on how we think our students are going to do on a test we are not allowed to see, segregate data with our student work, create modules that we are to teach from instead of the normal lesson plans that we have to do already, create a new curriculum for our students for next year, make sure they all pass the eoc, oh wait, we are going to change that test too, teach this strategy, focus on this technique, include this in your lesson, and this everyday, oh wait you also need to teach this every day as well. what the heck?!
keep in mind, our school only has 2 computer labs that are available to 80 teachers and classes. the other 3 labs are only available one hour a day. we have to buy our own ink for our printers so we cant make all the copies we need in that area. if we run out of paper, we have to buy that. we are expected to do all these things in less than a 6 months time and if we do not complete them or excel then we are failures. plus, we have around 30 kids to a classroom. do you know how much individual time a student receives from the teacher this way? like 1 min a day. our planning periods are constantly taken up with meetings after meetings. for example: during my planning, i have meetings on every monday. wednesday is professional development. thursday after school is literacy design meeting. wednesday after school is the occasional faculty meeting. we use to have an act meeting tuesdays before school once a month. then, i have duty on tuesday and thursday during my planning. please tell me when i have enough time to do all those things you want me to? after school, i try to have my own business so i can make extra cash. no. don't have time because i am grading the papers that i did not get to do during planning or recreating lessons because they want them on them to be changed to the new curriculum or they want them to be in the notebook files so that way we use the smart board more.
i do love my job dearly. but right now i feel over worked, stressed out, confused on what i am suppose to be exactly teaching, and just burnt out all together. i hope that this is just for a season because if not, i really do not know what i would do for the rest of my life. there's not much else out there for me. i know this is my purpose. so, why does it have to be so hard? it gets to the point where i feel like i am not doing a good enough job because of all the things that are expected of me, i have to do them halfway. nothing is ever thoroughly done. i almost feel i would be of more use being some random secretary somewhere else because at least i would know what would be expected of me and i would not have to guess at what i am suppose to be doing then be graded on it and fail because of that. i feel like i am treated like a child in this profession. i love the kids.. i do. but i do not love the rest.
any teachers reading this? am i alone in this thought process?
just being 100% transparent with you.
there is way too much the state is expecting us to do and there is no where near enough time to complete it. there are not enough resources to help us with it. and the apathetic students are not very helpful either. neither is the lack of money.
for some reason, the state believes that i need to (realistically) teacher 7 units of the curriculum, focus quiz students at least every 3 weeks, schedule PASS essays twice in a semester, schedule EAGLE test with every unit we teach, set goals on how we think our students are going to do on a test we are not allowed to see, segregate data with our student work, create modules that we are to teach from instead of the normal lesson plans that we have to do already, create a new curriculum for our students for next year, make sure they all pass the eoc, oh wait, we are going to change that test too, teach this strategy, focus on this technique, include this in your lesson, and this everyday, oh wait you also need to teach this every day as well. what the heck?!
keep in mind, our school only has 2 computer labs that are available to 80 teachers and classes. the other 3 labs are only available one hour a day. we have to buy our own ink for our printers so we cant make all the copies we need in that area. if we run out of paper, we have to buy that. we are expected to do all these things in less than a 6 months time and if we do not complete them or excel then we are failures. plus, we have around 30 kids to a classroom. do you know how much individual time a student receives from the teacher this way? like 1 min a day. our planning periods are constantly taken up with meetings after meetings. for example: during my planning, i have meetings on every monday. wednesday is professional development. thursday after school is literacy design meeting. wednesday after school is the occasional faculty meeting. we use to have an act meeting tuesdays before school once a month. then, i have duty on tuesday and thursday during my planning. please tell me when i have enough time to do all those things you want me to? after school, i try to have my own business so i can make extra cash. no. don't have time because i am grading the papers that i did not get to do during planning or recreating lessons because they want them on them to be changed to the new curriculum or they want them to be in the notebook files so that way we use the smart board more.
i do love my job dearly. but right now i feel over worked, stressed out, confused on what i am suppose to be exactly teaching, and just burnt out all together. i hope that this is just for a season because if not, i really do not know what i would do for the rest of my life. there's not much else out there for me. i know this is my purpose. so, why does it have to be so hard? it gets to the point where i feel like i am not doing a good enough job because of all the things that are expected of me, i have to do them halfway. nothing is ever thoroughly done. i almost feel i would be of more use being some random secretary somewhere else because at least i would know what would be expected of me and i would not have to guess at what i am suppose to be doing then be graded on it and fail because of that. i feel like i am treated like a child in this profession. i love the kids.. i do. but i do not love the rest.
any teachers reading this? am i alone in this thought process?
Wednesday, March 13, 2013
purpose
What is your purpose in life?
So often, your purpose in life is so easily forgotten. Well, on second thought, most times we do not even think about our goal or mission. We go through life daily just --trying to get by-- --trying to make it through work-- --get through this block, this class-- and we forget that we have a reason for being placed where are for that moment.
Today, I realized that I had completely forsaken my purpose in life.
I was living in the mediocrity of everyday living and just trying to get by.
You see, when we remember our purpose in life, our days become like a mission. We are searching and hoping for a chance to make that change or accomplish that task; however, when we overlook the fact of why we are here, life tends to drag by aimlessly.
Let me elaborate because today, I, for lack of better wording, "refound" my purpose.
If you know me or have read my blog before, many of you know about my dear late friend, Jonah. He is close to my heart and so is suicide prevention now because of him. My heart aches and reaches out to those that I see struggling with the disease that I could not help my own friend with. Sometimes when I meet people who are experiencing the same struggles, my heart yearns to aid that person's issue.
Students especially.
Last week, I had a girl who had expressed her situation and her thoughts of suicide. My heart, of course, breaks instantly when I hear those thoughts. I hated that she was experiencing this problem so early in life. Of course, actions had already been put into place to help her cope with her problem; however, I kept a watchful eye for warning signs. Sometimes, I feel like some kind of expert on that particular situation (I know I am not, but I feel like I can spot those particular signs quicker because of Jonah).
I encouraged her to feel free to talk to me, a counselor, or an administrator about anything she needed to get out, but as long as she was expressing herself and getting that negativity out.
Anyway, my sweet student started missing class last week. A couple days went by, so I called to check on her and she stated that she had been sick and would be in school the next day. She came back, but then the same problem rose up again. She had not been to school this entire week. Today, I was extremely worried about her and had every intention of calling her as soon as I came home.
During my planning, I had a little knock on the door. It was her! She was dressed in non-uniform and walked in with her mother and a little folder in her hand. We greeted each other and I asked her where she had been, we missed her. She told me she had went for help with her problems and that she was feeling much more like herself.
Right then, my heart felt a mixture of emotions. I was sad for her because I know the heart breaking emotions that are felt during those dark hours. I was so happy for her taking a stand for herself, admitting she needed help and working towards healing herself. I was proud of her. My own heart reminisced to Jonah as well; during the times when he too was still fighting for himself. It does one good to know that there are those who come out on top.
I believe for so long, I have spent the past few years wishing I could have done more or thinking that I did not do good enough for Jonah. Even though I lost my best friend, seeing this student come back from that horrible situation and coming out on top helps me realize that people do survive. and that even though I lost one, not all of them will be lost. In some strange way, she truly inspires me. and she too, whether she realizes it or not, is helping my own heart heal.
As we talked some more about her experience and emotional state, her mother told me that I was one of the people she wanted to see as soon as she found out she was coming home. I type this with tears in my eyes: I am so extremely humbled. Please do not confuse me telling you this as a praise on myself or me trying to make myself look good. This by no means is my intention. This post is meant to show and praise her actions; not my own. I hope through my terrible writing skills that I am getting that point across. :)
But,
My little soul is truly overwhelmed by this wonderful meeting I had with my student and her mother today because she revived what my purpose in life and teaching truly is--to help those who cannot help themselves.
So often, your purpose in life is so easily forgotten. Well, on second thought, most times we do not even think about our goal or mission. We go through life daily just --trying to get by-- --trying to make it through work-- --get through this block, this class-- and we forget that we have a reason for being placed where are for that moment.
Today, I realized that I had completely forsaken my purpose in life.
I was living in the mediocrity of everyday living and just trying to get by.
You see, when we remember our purpose in life, our days become like a mission. We are searching and hoping for a chance to make that change or accomplish that task; however, when we overlook the fact of why we are here, life tends to drag by aimlessly.
Let me elaborate because today, I, for lack of better wording, "refound" my purpose.
If you know me or have read my blog before, many of you know about my dear late friend, Jonah. He is close to my heart and so is suicide prevention now because of him. My heart aches and reaches out to those that I see struggling with the disease that I could not help my own friend with. Sometimes when I meet people who are experiencing the same struggles, my heart yearns to aid that person's issue.
Students especially.
Last week, I had a girl who had expressed her situation and her thoughts of suicide. My heart, of course, breaks instantly when I hear those thoughts. I hated that she was experiencing this problem so early in life. Of course, actions had already been put into place to help her cope with her problem; however, I kept a watchful eye for warning signs. Sometimes, I feel like some kind of expert on that particular situation (I know I am not, but I feel like I can spot those particular signs quicker because of Jonah).
I encouraged her to feel free to talk to me, a counselor, or an administrator about anything she needed to get out, but as long as she was expressing herself and getting that negativity out.
Anyway, my sweet student started missing class last week. A couple days went by, so I called to check on her and she stated that she had been sick and would be in school the next day. She came back, but then the same problem rose up again. She had not been to school this entire week. Today, I was extremely worried about her and had every intention of calling her as soon as I came home.
During my planning, I had a little knock on the door. It was her! She was dressed in non-uniform and walked in with her mother and a little folder in her hand. We greeted each other and I asked her where she had been, we missed her. She told me she had went for help with her problems and that she was feeling much more like herself.
Right then, my heart felt a mixture of emotions. I was sad for her because I know the heart breaking emotions that are felt during those dark hours. I was so happy for her taking a stand for herself, admitting she needed help and working towards healing herself. I was proud of her. My own heart reminisced to Jonah as well; during the times when he too was still fighting for himself. It does one good to know that there are those who come out on top.
I believe for so long, I have spent the past few years wishing I could have done more or thinking that I did not do good enough for Jonah. Even though I lost my best friend, seeing this student come back from that horrible situation and coming out on top helps me realize that people do survive. and that even though I lost one, not all of them will be lost. In some strange way, she truly inspires me. and she too, whether she realizes it or not, is helping my own heart heal.
As we talked some more about her experience and emotional state, her mother told me that I was one of the people she wanted to see as soon as she found out she was coming home. I type this with tears in my eyes: I am so extremely humbled. Please do not confuse me telling you this as a praise on myself or me trying to make myself look good. This by no means is my intention. This post is meant to show and praise her actions; not my own. I hope through my terrible writing skills that I am getting that point across. :)
But,
My little soul is truly overwhelmed by this wonderful meeting I had with my student and her mother today because she revived what my purpose in life and teaching truly is--to help those who cannot help themselves.
Tuesday, January 29, 2013
smile.
one of my 504 special ed students (she's not severely sped; just needs help & extra time stuff like that) came into my class the other day with ten minutes left till school was out.
i honestly thought she needed help with the assignment i had given early.
nope, she was coming to tell me how she aced her assignment, completely understood everything, and was finished. i wish you could have seen the smile on her face. she even gave me a hug (shes on of those tough girls).
its the little things! :)
i honestly thought she needed help with the assignment i had given early.
nope, she was coming to tell me how she aced her assignment, completely understood everything, and was finished. i wish you could have seen the smile on her face. she even gave me a hug (shes on of those tough girls).
its the little things! :)
Sunday, January 20, 2013
Morning.
Two AM and I have become best friends.
Well, best friends may be too strong of words---fri-enemies?
More like it.
Sometimes I wish I taught night classes but I know I would then wish I could teach morning ones. Haha. I am so contrary at times; never do I decide what I want.
To catch you up to speed, school is going exceptionally well in comparison to the past semester and I am feeling pretty good about the new students I have gained.
Matt and I are still enjoying the roller coaster of our first year of marriage and we are learning new things everyday.
Readers, keep me accountable. I really want to get back into shape so I downloaded couch to 5k. If I do not begin to talk about my progress, let me know!!! I need help, motivation, encouragement, and a way to keep cokes only diet. :) we can dream!!
Thanks for those of you who read my silly blog (Allie & some random German) I appreciate and lovey readers (you two) more than you know!!
Till next 2 am insomnia blog inspired writing! ;)
Well, best friends may be too strong of words---fri-enemies?
More like it.
Sometimes I wish I taught night classes but I know I would then wish I could teach morning ones. Haha. I am so contrary at times; never do I decide what I want.
To catch you up to speed, school is going exceptionally well in comparison to the past semester and I am feeling pretty good about the new students I have gained.
Matt and I are still enjoying the roller coaster of our first year of marriage and we are learning new things everyday.
Readers, keep me accountable. I really want to get back into shape so I downloaded couch to 5k. If I do not begin to talk about my progress, let me know!!! I need help, motivation, encouragement, and a way to keep cokes only diet. :) we can dream!!
Thanks for those of you who read my silly blog (Allie & some random German) I appreciate and lovey readers (you two) more than you know!!
Till next 2 am insomnia blog inspired writing! ;)
Saturday, January 12, 2013
apples.
they say a rotten apple spoils the whole bunch. correct? i believe that is the saying; I am not quite sure. I do know that i would categorize my second block class as "rotten apples." the entire semester, as i have said in previous blogs, I fought with each one every day.. It never failed.
Since we have started a new semester, new kids have come into my class just waiting to see what they will learn. It has been a pleasure to see new faces and learn new personalities.
On the first day, we ran a "mini" fall schedule so the students could go back to the classes and receive their grades for the semester. All my classes came and went--and I was glad to send them off.
The human side of me wanted to do nothing with my rotten apples. I simply wanted the 15 mins to run by as fast as possible. And it did. They came and went with hardly words spoke as if we were ex friends or something like that.
The next day I was on lunch duty. Stand there. Watch the lines. Make sure no one cuts. Pretty standard. You see a lot of students in the lines. The line had died down and no one was really walking through. Then came one of the worst kids I had in my second block. again, the human part of me, wanted to act like he was not even there. i smiled looked away. and then the simple question came, "How are your classes going Mrs. Brandon?"
That question may not be important to anyone else, but spoke volumes to me. He didn't have to ask me that. He didn't have to even speak to me. If you knew this kid, he acts like he could care less about anything or anyone, but with the question he asked me, it proves it's just a front. The thoughtful, sweet, caring question shows me who he is at his core. While it may not mean anything to anyone else, I see through the question which tells me so many things--it tells me he cares.
I talked to another teacher who knew this kid and his family really well told me that his question means more than you ever realize. it means i love you. it means thank you for caring. its means you go there. you got to me and i thank you for that.
so next time, i'll come across these students.. i'll remember my "rotten" apple..
Since we have started a new semester, new kids have come into my class just waiting to see what they will learn. It has been a pleasure to see new faces and learn new personalities.
On the first day, we ran a "mini" fall schedule so the students could go back to the classes and receive their grades for the semester. All my classes came and went--and I was glad to send them off.
The human side of me wanted to do nothing with my rotten apples. I simply wanted the 15 mins to run by as fast as possible. And it did. They came and went with hardly words spoke as if we were ex friends or something like that.
The next day I was on lunch duty. Stand there. Watch the lines. Make sure no one cuts. Pretty standard. You see a lot of students in the lines. The line had died down and no one was really walking through. Then came one of the worst kids I had in my second block. again, the human part of me, wanted to act like he was not even there. i smiled looked away. and then the simple question came, "How are your classes going Mrs. Brandon?"
That question may not be important to anyone else, but spoke volumes to me. He didn't have to ask me that. He didn't have to even speak to me. If you knew this kid, he acts like he could care less about anything or anyone, but with the question he asked me, it proves it's just a front. The thoughtful, sweet, caring question shows me who he is at his core. While it may not mean anything to anyone else, I see through the question which tells me so many things--it tells me he cares.
I talked to another teacher who knew this kid and his family really well told me that his question means more than you ever realize. it means i love you. it means thank you for caring. its means you go there. you got to me and i thank you for that.
so next time, i'll come across these students.. i'll remember my "rotten" apple..
Tuesday, January 1, 2013
2012.
Well, i guess i too will fall into the ills of social media pressure and write my happenings of 2012. it was such great year why not? :)
-I finished my first year of teaching.
-Had my first surgery ever? haha
-Moved into my first apartment with a boy!
-Celebrated my niece's first birthday :)
-Watched my brother get his junior ring.
-Was married to my best friend.
-Had *in my opinion* the best wedding ever!
-Watched 3 great friends get married.
-Traveled to Florida with my husband.
-Finally met Cinderella.
-Started my second year of teaching.
-Developed deeper friendships with co-workers.
-Validated friendships with old friends.
-Created new friendships with special friends.
-Kicked out of a place i'd never thought i'd be hahaha
-Traveled to Mississippi with my husband.
-Had a first & last dance with my dad :)
-Celebrated 4th of July--Disney style!
-Plenty of firsts experiences in life.
-turned 24.
-Ended the year with the flu ;)
There's many things I don't think I'd want to list for everyone's enjoyment but these are the few for sure that have touched my heart. In retrospect, 2012 i feel like I started to live. I guess this means 2013 will be the year i soar.
;)
-I finished my first year of teaching.
-Had my first surgery ever? haha
-Moved into my first apartment with a boy!
-Celebrated my niece's first birthday :)
-Watched my brother get his junior ring.
-Was married to my best friend.
-Had *in my opinion* the best wedding ever!
-Watched 3 great friends get married.
-Traveled to Florida with my husband.
-Finally met Cinderella.
-Started my second year of teaching.
-Developed deeper friendships with co-workers.
-Validated friendships with old friends.
-Created new friendships with special friends.
-Kicked out of a place i'd never thought i'd be hahaha
-Traveled to Mississippi with my husband.
-Had a first & last dance with my dad :)
-Celebrated 4th of July--Disney style!
-Plenty of firsts experiences in life.
-turned 24.
-Ended the year with the flu ;)
There's many things I don't think I'd want to list for everyone's enjoyment but these are the few for sure that have touched my heart. In retrospect, 2012 i feel like I started to live. I guess this means 2013 will be the year i soar.
;)
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)