Wonderful, beautiful life.
That's what I am suppose to appreciate and have been taught to appreciate especially this week. Life, as I have said previously, has thrown me a huge curve ball. Hearing words that you don't want to ever hear in your life is scary, but this is the unscripted, unedited, ever-changing life i live.
I felt like God had given me my limit three years ago when I lost my best friend, but i feel like right when I am almost at the top of the valley, i've been thrown right back to where I was three years before now.
This is one place that I do not want to go back to. It was dark. Scary. Emotional. Isolating. Depressing. Why am i being sent back here? I feel like I learned my lesson, for the most part? I mean, what lesson is there for someone to learn from the death of a friend so tragically gone from your life? I feel like that is more torture than anything. Same with this problem, its just torture. Does God even have a plan in it?
That is the point I am at right now? Where is God even? Is he even there like people claim because I feel like if he was, then I would hear a word or have some source of comfort. I realize that this is not completely a life or death problem, but it's just one more thing to make me realize the realities of life. Life is never fair.
For those of the few and far between that read my blog :), please don't worry too much. I am just using this as a sounding board really. I just do not understand why things like this happen. Over and over at that. It just does not make sense. I would just like to a specific sign or word that I know that God is doing this for a reason, and not some verse or bible stuff i've heard since negative nine months old. A real event that only God could orchestra. That's what I need. That's what I thirst for. That's what I am not clearly getting.
That's what I am suppose to appreciate and have been taught to appreciate especially this week. Life, as I have said previously, has thrown me a huge curve ball. Hearing words that you don't want to ever hear in your life is scary, but this is the unscripted, unedited, ever-changing life i live.
I felt like God had given me my limit three years ago when I lost my best friend, but i feel like right when I am almost at the top of the valley, i've been thrown right back to where I was three years before now.
This is one place that I do not want to go back to. It was dark. Scary. Emotional. Isolating. Depressing. Why am i being sent back here? I feel like I learned my lesson, for the most part? I mean, what lesson is there for someone to learn from the death of a friend so tragically gone from your life? I feel like that is more torture than anything. Same with this problem, its just torture. Does God even have a plan in it?
That is the point I am at right now? Where is God even? Is he even there like people claim because I feel like if he was, then I would hear a word or have some source of comfort. I realize that this is not completely a life or death problem, but it's just one more thing to make me realize the realities of life. Life is never fair.
For those of the few and far between that read my blog :), please don't worry too much. I am just using this as a sounding board really. I just do not understand why things like this happen. Over and over at that. It just does not make sense. I would just like to a specific sign or word that I know that God is doing this for a reason, and not some verse or bible stuff i've heard since negative nine months old. A real event that only God could orchestra. That's what I need. That's what I thirst for. That's what I am not clearly getting.
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