Someone asked me recently what was/were the biggest lessons I've learned since I have gotten married. So, here it goes. Unbiased. Honest to goodness raw truth.
1. I am selfish. So long had my life been lived for me and me along. That way has now changed. I have learned that meeting the needs of others before my own is more rewarding and somehow my needs always remained fulfilled without even trying. Sounds somewhat backwards, but trust me on this.
2. The older I get the more I am finding out that I am more like my parents that I would ever like to admit. (I guess that is contradicting because I just admitted it, but you get the idea). The values that have been instilled in me when I was younger have found their way into my teaching and living of my everyday life. I see it in Matt the same. I am eating all my words I said about how I would not to be like my parents when I was younger. But, I do see now how those values and teachings are a beautiful things.
3. Positive reinforcement and encouragement goes further with others than you will ever realize. So many times (I have been seriously guilty of this) I see others belittling someone with a sly joke or harsh words (especially sarcasm). Those words do nothing but tear down. I am learning the more encouraging and positive I can be, the more fruit and product I see from the person I give it to and the more I receive it myself. Positive in, positive out. Negative in, negative out.
4. Balance is a necessity. Finding balance between husband, work, friends, family, wants, needs, daily life, etc is so difficult, but will probably be one of the most important things you do. Without it, any relationship is way too one sided. This even goes for friendships too. Giving 50/50 is honestly not enough. Each person giving 100% is what is required.
5. Friends and family are needed now more than ever. I think a huge misconception is that once you get married then that is all you need when that is not necessarily true. In order to achieve full balance, friends and family are essential to your health. I know now just how special and how much I treasure those people who have been a present and even past companion in my life. You need time apart. Friends are important.
6. Cooking and cleaning are really not that bad. Honestly, growing up isn't that bad. I believe it is just the fear of the unexpected that scares us most and the transition from leaving the life we knew.
7. I've learned how to fight fair. How to listen to another person's point of view. That I am not always right. Marriage is really the best mirror of yourself. Honestly, any good, open relationship could be this way, but you have to be willing to listen to the concerns of a good friend and willing to TAKE the advice. Fair fighting does not involve just listening; it involves changing too.
Nowhere am I near an expert. Never will I claim to be either. Reflecting is part of the growing process in any relationship and I feel as long as I am reflecting, I am where I need to be.
If you think that this post isn't for you because you are not married then I would say look again. How could you apply this to other relationships in your life? Just food for thought.
1. I am selfish. So long had my life been lived for me and me along. That way has now changed. I have learned that meeting the needs of others before my own is more rewarding and somehow my needs always remained fulfilled without even trying. Sounds somewhat backwards, but trust me on this.
2. The older I get the more I am finding out that I am more like my parents that I would ever like to admit. (I guess that is contradicting because I just admitted it, but you get the idea). The values that have been instilled in me when I was younger have found their way into my teaching and living of my everyday life. I see it in Matt the same. I am eating all my words I said about how I would not to be like my parents when I was younger. But, I do see now how those values and teachings are a beautiful things.
3. Positive reinforcement and encouragement goes further with others than you will ever realize. So many times (I have been seriously guilty of this) I see others belittling someone with a sly joke or harsh words (especially sarcasm). Those words do nothing but tear down. I am learning the more encouraging and positive I can be, the more fruit and product I see from the person I give it to and the more I receive it myself. Positive in, positive out. Negative in, negative out.
4. Balance is a necessity. Finding balance between husband, work, friends, family, wants, needs, daily life, etc is so difficult, but will probably be one of the most important things you do. Without it, any relationship is way too one sided. This even goes for friendships too. Giving 50/50 is honestly not enough. Each person giving 100% is what is required.
5. Friends and family are needed now more than ever. I think a huge misconception is that once you get married then that is all you need when that is not necessarily true. In order to achieve full balance, friends and family are essential to your health. I know now just how special and how much I treasure those people who have been a present and even past companion in my life. You need time apart. Friends are important.
6. Cooking and cleaning are really not that bad. Honestly, growing up isn't that bad. I believe it is just the fear of the unexpected that scares us most and the transition from leaving the life we knew.
7. I've learned how to fight fair. How to listen to another person's point of view. That I am not always right. Marriage is really the best mirror of yourself. Honestly, any good, open relationship could be this way, but you have to be willing to listen to the concerns of a good friend and willing to TAKE the advice. Fair fighting does not involve just listening; it involves changing too.
Nowhere am I near an expert. Never will I claim to be either. Reflecting is part of the growing process in any relationship and I feel as long as I am reflecting, I am where I need to be.
If you think that this post isn't for you because you are not married then I would say look again. How could you apply this to other relationships in your life? Just food for thought.
Thanks your lesson! road trip
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