apples.

they say a rotten apple spoils the whole bunch. correct? i believe that is the saying; I am not quite sure. I do know that i would categorize my second block class as "rotten apples." the entire semester, as i have said in previous blogs, I fought with each one every day.. It never failed.

Since we have started a new semester, new kids have come into my class just waiting to see what they will learn. It has been a pleasure to see new faces and learn new personalities.

On the first day, we ran a "mini" fall schedule so the students could go back to the classes and receive their grades for the semester. All my classes came and went--and I was glad to send them off.

The human side of me wanted to do nothing with my rotten apples. I simply wanted the 15 mins to run by as fast as possible. And it did. They came and went with hardly words spoke as if we were ex friends or something like that.

The next day I was on lunch duty. Stand there. Watch the lines. Make sure no one cuts. Pretty standard.  You see a lot of students in the lines. The line had died down and no one was really walking through. Then came one of the worst kids I had in my second block. again, the human part of me, wanted to act like he was not even there. i smiled looked away. and then the simple question came, "How are your classes going Mrs. Brandon?"

That question may not be important to anyone else, but spoke volumes to me. He didn't have to ask me that. He didn't have to even speak to me. If you knew this kid, he acts like he could care less about anything or anyone, but with the question he asked me, it proves it's just a front. The thoughtful, sweet, caring question shows me who he is at his core. While it may not mean anything to anyone else, I see through the question which tells me so many things--it tells me he cares.

I talked to another teacher who knew this kid and his family really well told me that his question means more than you ever realize. it means i love you. it means thank you for caring. its means you go there. you got to me and i thank you for that.

so next time, i'll come across these students.. i'll remember my "rotten" apple.. 

teaching.

Alas, this semester at school has ended. Although I had become quite fond of something of those students, time came for them to flutter off to bigger and better things.

I believe that hind sight is always 20/20 and only then do you have a picture of how things could have been improved or played out better.

typically, this cycle of thoughts stay with me and help me to improve on the next upcoming angels I may or may not have.

upon looking back, i learned many things from these teens. some was the typical: you are becoming better at your job; it just takes time kind of lesson. others not so much.

as terrible as i believe one particular block to be, i look back with pride knowing that "i got this" and i have more endurance and patience because of them. my only hope, my only wish is that they learned something from me. not out of my own conceit, but out of a desperate hope for their future. i sincerely and utterly hope that the direction they are going is not the direction that they continue in life. my heart truly breaks at the thought that they come through, not just my class, but school to learn nothing but scheming, games, and drama. my hope is that they see there is more to life.

as for me, i do think that many problems are 50/50 each person plays a role in the situation. there is more that i need to understand with the students. i believe that setting the bar too low and no expecting them to surpass it is a great defeat that I caused for this particular group.  i need to remember that each student has the potential to be an Enstein. my job is not only to make sure they can *see* that, but to foster and reveal that to them as well.

here's to next semester! and may it be better for everyone.